You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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