worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
