I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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