i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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