hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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