I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
