The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think your dad took our porno
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
