Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
