dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
