so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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