So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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