Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
