I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
