just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
