so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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