Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
