My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
