whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
