hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
