I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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