Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
