so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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