Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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