Well douche your snatch and let's go!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
