dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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