You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
