tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
