Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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