What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
