mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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