You made me cry and you don't even care
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
