i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
