Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
