Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
