after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
