u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
