too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
