he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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