So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
