so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
