By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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