this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i drank out of a bidet.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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