i think my tv is drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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