i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
