LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
