If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
