jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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