Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
