I'm going to jail i love you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize