i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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