My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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