i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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